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10 things to do today to SEX up your bedroom

No matter how into each other you are, relationships will see sex peaks and valleys. Rather than just taking things into your own hands during a slow time why not kick start your time together. It’s a lot easier than you think to up the steam in the bedroom and help make your lady happy.

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

10 tips to up the steam in your sex life

Pick up on her non-verbal signs

Sadly, many men don’t know how to tune into their female lovers.

“I hear stories over and over again about how men are just not responding to the signals that women send.” When asked about how men can better please their partners, Pella Weisman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, said.

Along with verbal expression, pay attention to their bodily cues (moaning, heavier breathing, increased lubrication) and do more of that.

“Learn to be a responsive, tuned-in lover, and you’ll gain serious appreciation from your partner(s),” advises Weisman.

If you’re unsure how to interpret a signal, be direct and just ask. “[Try] ‘Does that feel good?’ or ‘Do you like that?’ or ‘Does that hurt?’ Your partner may have been too shy to tell you and will appreciate that you asked,” says Weisman. Likewise, if you’re not sure if your partner is ready for a particular act or move — ask. To quote the popular university campaign, “consent is sexy.”

Don’t ignore foreplay… and afterplay

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Sex for a woman is not just sex; it’s a physical and emotional reflection of feeling desired. While some men may think sex is primarily about penetration, women need foreplay and afterplay.

“If a guy turns over and dozes off, a woman will often feel abandoned,” says Dr Gilda Carle, relationship expert and author of 8 Tips to Understand the Opposite Sex. “A woman wants the foreplay to begin way before the act of intercourse, with flirting, texts with sexual innuendoes, and more to warm her up.”

Explore her body and find commonly ignored hot spots

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A woman wants a man to explore her inside and out with his fingers, his tongue. She wants it to be an adventure for the two of them.

“‘Let’s see if I can find your G-spot,’ for example, could be a mutual exploration for the couple,” says Dr Gilda. Be sure also to fondle with and kiss oft-ignored erogenous zones like her inner thigh, ear, and even her lower back.

Talk dirty to her…even when you’re not together

Women want to feel wanted.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

“They want to know they’re turning you on and how. They want to feel hot, desired, appreciated, honoured,” says Weisman. Individual preferences vary (dirty, descriptive, romantic), but try out different varieties to see what elicits the best response from your partner.
Clitoral stimulation, the right kind

Yes, guys, women want more of it.

“Some women like it with a finger (or three) in her ass or vagina at the same time. You can [also] try strong sucking, teasing with your tongue, or using your nose and forehead for pressure on the clitoral area,” says Weisman.

Try different amounts of pressure, rhythms, and duration of time to see what she likes best. For many women, direct contact on the clitoris can be too intense. However, they may like rhythmic pressure on the clitoral shaft — the part of a woman’s clitoris that swells when she’s aroused.

Worship her, not just her orgasm

If a woman feels like your only goal in bed is to make her orgasm, she may feel like your romp has more to do with your ego than anything else.

A woman wants to be sensually stroked and caressed, not grabbed.

Make sure she comes first, and again and again

Photo by Dainis Graveris from Pexels

Women can climax multiple times. And that means that your job as her partner is to make sure that women have more of those orgasms. 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. So, yes, you’d be correct in thinking that you can’t just rely on penetration alone to get her off.

Instead, consider introducing accessories and toys into bed to help you get into that correct position or angle and find what you both like best.

Make her feel pretty and appreciated

It’s more than just when you are naked. Try for no reason at all, saying, “You’re beautiful!” All have women have the wish to feel beautiful and appreciated in common. They can never hear the phrase ‘you’re so beautiful!’ enough, so say it often, especially during sex.

Be spontaneous and generous

Photo by Dainis Graveris from Pexels

Women like surprises, especially the sexy kind. Surprising your girlfriend or wife with something that shows you care about her while also showing how sexy you think she is can win you major points. Some ideas beyond lingerie: knee-high socks, a silk robe, or a racy nightgown. Or, try gifting her a sensual shared activity like a couples massage or passes to hot yoga to check out together.

Pay attention outside of sex, too

A woman wants to know a guy is going out of his way for her. It could be a little trinket he picked up because she was on his mind or a bouquet of flowers he took the time to get. Pay attention to the small things, and she will want to enjoy the bedroom more with you.

A woman wants to know a man is genuinely listening to what she’s saying. Listening proves a woman is important enough to a guy to want to know what’s on her mind.

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